Home Alone 3: Ladies don't just lunch

I slept in the spare room last night.  No, my wife didn't come home unexpectedly early from her business trip and catch me watching shark porn (don't worry, it's just an episode from Friends), I finally got around to doing something that she has asking me to do for ages, paint our bedroom.

We moved into our current house eighteen months ago, and to be fair to myself, I've now just about painted the entire house.  That may not sound like a great deal to have accomplished in that time, but that's not all I've achieved; in that time I've also been a stay at home dad.

Where am I going with this?  I'm often asked, "what's it like being a househusband?"  I have quite a few stock responses, most of which start with, "it's amazing", or "I feel so fortunate to be able to do this."  Both of which are as true as can be.  I do however, pretty much always end with, or include the following line, "It's also the most challenging and difficult thing I have ever done."

As I'm sure any full-time, stay-at-home parent will agree, raising kids is hard work, really, properly hard work.  I've worked for one of the World's largest companies, responsible for fifty-three countries in my particular field, working with CEOs and politicians in other roles, hopping on and off planes working all-hours, sometimes seven days a week.  I've even spent some time training as a chef, working split shifts, on my feet all day and most of the night in a hot and high pressure kitchen, but none of that comes close to the full-on, non-stop demands of looking after a small child. Nowhere near to close.

Maybe the "Ladies Who Lunch" are not a complete myth, those with the full-time nannies and wealthy partners may have the time and the luxury to do so, but the rest of us in the real world don't.  I won't bore you with tales of shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing and all the daily and weekly chores we do, or the constant gardening (particularly endless here in the tropics) in hot and humid weather, cleaning cars and all that.  Yes, there is the feeding and and cleaning of the children, but there is more than that, it's the constant, never ending demand for your attention, never having a moment to yourself, and that includes going to the bathroom.  When they have their (more and more infrequent naps) that's not a chance to relax, but an opportunity to do the things you haven't yet done that day; the paperwork, the dishes... with maybe five minutes to grab a sandwich.

Going to Playgroup twice a week isn't just a great place for the kids, it's an opportunity to share your pressures with others who are going through the same as you (when you aren't dealing with the kids fighting/crying/falling over).  This doesn't solve your issues, nothing will apart from your kids growing up, but it does give you a sense of perspective; that your life is no more difficult than anyone elses and that there is usually someone having a worse day than you are (usually the one with the kid screaming there head-off and throwing the mother of all trantrums).

All of the above make me wonder how on Earth single parents cope, well, as people always say, "you cope, because you have to."  It also make me thing how I would ever manage if we had another child, but then, I assume the previous statement holds true.

The other thing it makes me realise that as a stay-at-home dad, I'm actually probably better off than most of the mums I meet.  I'm fairly sure that I get a lot more help around the home and with our daughter than most of them get.  It's not that their husbands are hopeless, far from it, just that my wife, as a mum seems to instinctively "get it", get what is required in raising a child and running a home better than a lot of working dads do.  So yes, I'm a lucky man in more ways than one.

Now given that I have such a great wife, I figured that I had better get that final room painted, so it's all but done now and hopefully she'll be pleased when she gets home tomorrow night.  The other plus is that whilst getting the room ready I found some things I thought I had lost, plus five dollars in loose change.

In other news, still no sign of Monty (the python) so I think he must have moved on, though the birds that normally wake me up every day were still suspiciously quiet this morning...  I've also kept to my vow of (relatively) healthy eating, last night we had salmon fishcakes and very tasty they were, you can find the recipe here.

Want to read more Home Alone?

Home Alone 1: Mummy's gone but we've got a kitten

Home Alone 2: Chicken bums & garden snakes